Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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