Ambien. No doubt about it.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
