Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You are a genius and a whore.
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