Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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