just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
