I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
