My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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