I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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