Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(479): View more from Arkansas

New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms

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(706): View more from Georgia

On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.

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19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Read it at the TFLN blog
(530): View more from California

Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.

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(785): View more from Kansas

The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now

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(813): View more from Florida

What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?

(603): View more from New Hampshire

more importantly I need two hands to eat pie

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