I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow