what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic