I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood