And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
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It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
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So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill