Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?