Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
