whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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