bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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