You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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