I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
