I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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