the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
