You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
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I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
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But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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