and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
