the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
how drunk are you?
Several
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
