you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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