Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
