my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
