I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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