Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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