Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
