it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
