You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
