My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
