yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
