drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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