My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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