we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
