So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
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Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
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I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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