Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
