So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
