I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
