dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
