we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
