how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just invented taco cereal.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
