At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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