when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
