I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
