i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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