i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
im holly from the hills drunk
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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