Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
