That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
