Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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