Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
