i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
