I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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