Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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