smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
