If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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