Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
