So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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