Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
