haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
