And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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