I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
In America we eat man semen.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
