I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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