OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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