she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
