Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
