The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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