you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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