I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
