And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
