Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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