did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
