Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
