someone owes me an orgasm
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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