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• (443): View more from Maryland

  sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I know, I was there.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?

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• (936): View more from Texas

  So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Glad to hear you raised your standards

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...

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