I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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