when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
