In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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