i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
