we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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