We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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