Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
