Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
