high people should be assigned attendants
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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