I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
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there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
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I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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